"I don’t know how to accept compliments...
ilonaesl: “….stop with the self-deprecating! People are complimenting you because they sincerely mean it, and you will make them uncomfortable if you appear to feel weird about what they said. In fact, if nothing else works, think of a simple “thanks” as the only polite response, and think of that whole self-deprecatory “I’m not that great” routine as being kind of rude to them. After all, they...
dwight-you-ignorant-slut: hello mr and mrs. poehler-arnett yes all you have to do is sign here ⌦_______________ to adopt me pls and thankz
I’m pretty sure my girlfriend would leave me for Bill Murray. I’m pretty sure I’d be okay with it.
oraphis: Pretended to die to see how my dog would react.
Welcome to Los Banos: California’s Butthole™
The drive-thru Baskin Robbins in Los Banos is my only weakness.
FACT: If a queer doesn't wash their hair in at...
Last night Caitlin growled in her sleep. I’m not sure if it was her or her stomach.
cosmo tip: play “rodeo” in the bedroom! ride your partner for 8 seconds, then fly off and get trampled to death.
They’re everything I imagined them to be.– Caitlin, about Anne Hathaway’s breasts
hump me in the butt
HACKED BY THE HOTTEST BITCH ANY OF Y’ALL KNOW.
“In English,” Professor Austin said, “a double negative forms a positive....– Linguistics joke « The Diacritics (via katydidkatydidnt)
Awww Caitlin’s aunt washed my Nalgene and filled it with water and put it in the fridge next to my leftover sandwich. Meanwhile I’m making out with Caitlin in the other room. I feel bad. :P