roflmbo: the human centipede: on ice
Ugh, I hate it when people say “Fuck the police”. Don’t just fuck the police. Take the police out on a couple dates. Take the police to the movies or a nice stroll in the park. Feed the police some delicious fondue. Make the police fall in love with you. Then, fuck the police. And then out of nowhere, stop taking calls from the police. Ignore the police. Make the police miss you. Make the...
Interviewer: When did the beard start?
Zach Galifianakis: Well, I have never been much of a groomer. I take baths a lot, but I don't wear deodorant. I don't have to. I have a miraculous body scent. I've had women smell me and say that should be bottled. I would advise guys to lay off the Drakkar, because the cavemen weren't wearing it. They might have been putting mint leaves on their balls, but [your scent] is grown naturally. I have really good dating advice.
senioritis: when they find my body itll look like that one scene from american beauty except instead of rose petals ill be covered in flavor-blasted goldfish